


One Person

by unitlost



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: A few other characters mentioned, Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety, Comfort, Family, Gen, Implied Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-30 14:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19855006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unitlost/pseuds/unitlost
Summary: When Emil was frustrated, depressed, or simply unsure of what to do, there was one person he always turned to.Timo was a kind soul, but he was notoriously terrible at keeping secrets.Berwald listened, and he wouldn’t repeat what he heard even to his own reflection, but he wasn’t exactly the best at finding what to say.And, well, that one had been out of the question from the start.That only left him, the person he knew he could trust to listen, to talk, and to keep quiet.





	One Person

When Emil was frustrated, depressed, or simply unsure of what to do, there was one person he always turned to.

Street lights sped past in a blur as his secondhand gray sedan pressed forward down the street. He was far over the speed limit--at least 20 kph, he figured--but it was approaching 2 AM and he couldn’t be bothered to slow down. He only wanted to get there as fast as possible.

Emil had woken up in a cold sweat and reached for the nearest soft item to clutch onto; in this case, it was a stuffed puffin, a warm memory of the vacation they had all taken to Reykjavik a few summers ago. He grabbed onto it, and then he grabbed on tighter, and since it still wasn’t enough, he held his pillow with his other hand, and he couldn’t let go. Tears pricked at his eyes, and it wasn’t hard to breathe but he would certainly win first place in a speed contest in that regard. He let go of his lifeline long enough to wrap his blanket tightly around him, only to shove it off moments later since it was just too _hot_. He silently cursed his stupid useless nerves for waking him from such a nice dream.

He had tossed and turned for hours, curled into a ball and unable to fall back asleep. The silence was deafening. It was too hot, but if he changed anything it was suddenly far too cold. To put it bluntly, he felt like shit, and while he was glad no one was around to see him like this, the isolation was also deafening.

He knew that he had to go to bed, or he would wake up late and miss all of his plans for the next day. With that in mind, he squeezed his eyes shut once more and tried to think of nothing.

But the part of his mind that he couldn’t control loathed the idea of sleep. It played every reason why it was a good idea to ditch the plans, to stay in bed and not deal with the (even more) anxiety that was certain to follow, on repeat.

He dreaded the next day. He wanted to go, but at the same time, catching the plague sounded like a more favorable option.

Were there plague parties? Like chicken pox parties back in the day? Could he go to his neighbor’s house and get the plague?

No, probably not. A meteor crashing into his bedroom, killing him instantly, was probably more likely.

Either way, he couldn’t sleep, and in the empty house, far too large for one person, he knew that he would never have peace of mind unless he talked to someone.

So he sent a short text, one that simply said, “Can I come over”.

It wasn’t a question; he knew that as long as he was awake he wouldn’t say no. Yet Emil still sat like a board until the response came, hoping that he was indeed awake and that he wouldn’t have to be alone in an empty house tonight.

“Yeah”

Their homes were 15 minutes away from each other, but he pulled into the driveway after only twelve, taking care to not disrupt the waste bin on the corner for pick-up the next morning.

Timo was a kind soul, a natural parental figure with a penchant for good advice and an attentive ear. But he was notoriously terrible at keeping secrets, so he was much better suited to gossip and petty complaints.

Berwald listened, and he wouldn’t repeat what he heard even to his own reflection, but he wasn’t exactly the best at finding what to say. Emil knew he meant well and loved him dearly for and despite it, but going to Berwald was often more awkward than anything else.

And, well, that one had been out of the question from the start.

That only left him, the person he knew he could trust to listen, to talk, and to keep quiet.

“Hey, come in. Take your shoes off; I just cleaned the carpets,” came his greeting, simultaneous with the opening door and before he could even knock. Tired but attentive eyes welcomed him in along with a smile that was warm but not overpowering in the stillness of the dawn.

Emil complied, setting his shoes neatly next to the haphazard pile in the entryway before making himself comfortable on the sofa.

“Cookies?” Matthias offered as he settled down next to him, holding a small plate of pepper cookies. Emil’s favorite.

“Did you make these because I was coming?” Emil asked with an accusatory side glance.

“Nah,” Matthias waved his free hand, “they’re leftovers from the office holiday party a few days ago. But hey, have as many as you want.”

Emil grabbed one and took a bite. They were fresh, still warm from the oven.

“What episode were we on?”

“Six, I think.”

Matthias switched on the TV and started up the show, a sitcom drama they had begun to watch a week or so earlier. They sat together, Emil eating cookies and Matthias occasionally stealing one, neither saying anything as they let Emil calm down. Emil was always the one to talk first in these moments; it was something he greatly appreciated about them.

Eventually Matthias got up to brew and bring back two cups of coffee. Emil raised an eyebrow at the mugs. “Coffee?”

“Yeah; I was thirsty.”

“It’s three in the morning.”

“But tea is nasty,” he made a face, eliciting a snort from Emil. “I know Lukas likes it but I can’t stand the stuff. It’s gross.”

Emil accepted the drink, letting a sigh escape his lips before he took a sip. “I don’t want to see him tomorrow.”

Matthias looked at him for a moment before letting out a hum. “Thought it was something like that." He settled back down and turned down the volume on the television. “Why, what’s up?”

“I haven’t… _talked_ to him since,” he began, but the words tasted too bitter to finish. He took another hearty sip of coffee to wash them down.

Matthias nodded. “I see.” They sat in silence once again for a good minute, before he added, “About six months, then.”

Seven months ago, Emil had given into the hype and sent in one of those DNA tests that was supposed to track your lineage. Tell you where your ancestors were from and all that stuff. Timo was able to reconnect with an old cousin. Matthias wouldn’t stop bragging about that potential 1% listed on the bottom of his chart. Berwald was quick to point out the “uncertain” written next to it, Lukas told him to knock it off, and Emil thought that it couldn’t hurt to do one himself. Iceland wasn’t a covered region, he didn’t think, so he expected a clean 70-90% general Scandinavian result. Maybe he was related to a famous actor or something.

Six months ago, it told him that he was 60% Norwegian specifically. It also told him that Lukas was almost certainly his brother.

The message must have been sent to him as well, because within an hour, Lukas had texted him saying that they needed to talk.

Emil muted the conversation and threw his phone at the wall.

He received a few more texts over the next few days, things like “please answer me” and “I know I should have told you.” Each message only made him angrier, however, more frustrated and confused. Lukas was his brother. His biological brother. They had the same parents. He knew. He never thought to tell him.

He had grown up thinking Lukas was a family friend. Family friend his ass. He was just a shitty brother.

Lukas was barely around. He had vague memories of him from when he was a child, holiday parties and town events. He had never been present for Emil’s childhood, however. He never came to school in the evening to support his little brother. The day of Emil’s high school graduation, Lukas didn’t show up. Off partying in Europe, probably. Half the time, he only knew what was going on in Lukas’ life through the others.

And now, now that some website algorithm let the cat out of the bag, Lukas was trying to swoop in and be the older brother that Emil had _wished_ he had for his entire fucking life? It was too late, he concluded--19 years too late.

Matthias, Lukas’ long-term, on again off again boyfriend, was the one who had always been there. He went to every piano recital, cheered far too loudly at chess tournaments, taught him to drive and bought his tuxedo for prom. Matthias was exhausting to be around, yes, and sometimes he did or said stupid things that made him want to strangle him, but he was more of a brother to Emil than Lukas ever would be.

The night he found out, he called Matthias. He ranted and cried for hours, sometimes leaving minutes of silence between words. Matthias said nothing the entire time, and in the middle of the phone call he showed up at Emil’s house with a pizza and ice cream. He stayed the night, and Emil spent the next four at Matthias’ place.

He also hadn’t known, he explained, and when Emil saw Timo and Berwald’s shock at the news he believed that Lukas had really kept it from all of them. Timo said that he was sure Lukas had a good reason, but the idea was obviously unfounded, if his miffed expression was anything to go by. Berwald’s expression was unreadable.

Lukas was taking a course in Germany or something when it had all gone down, based on what Matthias had said. He had taken care to not talk about him as much when Emil was around, so as to not strike any nerves. Emil regretted the situation that it put him in, caught between his partner and the person he cared for as a brother. They were in the early stages of getting back together, after they broke up and Lukas had a short fling with Berwald. Emil didn’t understand how Matthias was able to put up with a long distance relationship that was so unpredictable.

“I just really love him, I guess,” was the only explanation Matthias was able to provide, and Emil figured that was enough.

He wondered if it would also be enough for him.

A month ago, Lukas returned from abroad, although he had given up on talking to Emil long prior. Matthias had softly urged him to see him, to at least talk things through and cut ties properly if that was really what he wanted. He always said no, afraid of what Lukas would say to him, of what their first meeting as brothers would mean. However things were, it was over; whatever way they loved each other before, it wouldn’t be the same anymore. He was afraid of things being different.

He knew, however, and so did Matthias, that he couldn’t hide from the situation forever. Even though he never complained, it wasn’t fair to leave him in the middle of their problems.

Last week, Emil finally replied.

They were to get coffee tomorrow afternoon.

“What if he doesn’t actually want to see me?”

Matthias let out a sigh of his own and combed his hair back with his fingers. “He does. Trust me, he does.”

Emil held his mug close to his face, letting the steam warm it. Lukas missed him, then. Or, at least, he wanted to clear the air and set things straight. And him? Was he ready to confront him about a decade and a half of lies? Was he ready to acknowledge everything he had tried his hardest to ignore and forget?

“I don’t want to see him,” he said eventually.

“You don’t want to face him.”

“It’s the same thing.”

“It really isn’t.” Matthias leaned back on the couch cushions. “If you aren’t ready to see him, then cancel. I’ll explain to him.”

“No, I,” Emil made a noise that was somewhere between another sigh and a groan. “You don’t have to do that for me.”

“Alright.” An over-the-top car chase played on the TV screen, catching their attention for a brief moment. “But I will if you want me to.”

Emil smacked him with a throw pillow, and Matthias complained loudly that he was holding hot coffee in response.

They changed the subject and talked about other things. Matthias shared his ideas for the office holiday party that was in fact next week and not a few days ago. It was a white elephant rather than a secret santa this time, and while he greatly preferred the latter, he had already found an intricate decorated pocket knife he was going to bring as his entry. Emil warned him that there must have been some office rule that would violate, but Matthias insisted that they’d be cool with it, as long as they kept it far away from Natayla in HR.

Emil told him about Michelle, a girl in his Psych 101 class who he had started talking to and who he was considering asking on a date soon. Matthias asked if he had any pictures and Emil realized with defeat that he had left his phone on his bedside table. So, they pulled up her social media on Matthias’. He approved, said she looked sweet and that if they got together he should invite her to their annual camping trip. Emil said he didn’t know if he wanted to scare her off that fast, to which Matthias grumbled something about being a killjoy.

Matthias was thinking of getting a dog.

Emil dreaded the idea of taking another creative writing class.

He thought that was bad? Matthias has nightmares about derivatives!

One more episode? Yeah.

The clock pressed forward, and their small talk dwindled into short comments as the sun’s rays snuck in through the window. Emil finally yawned after five hours of trying to, leaned comfortably against Matthias’ side. Matthias scratched his head, an old habit from when they were younger and Emil was afraid that he would be struck by lightning if Matthias didn’t discharge all the static from his head.

“I’m going to see him,” he finally said. Matthias turned his head to look at him and he clarified, “Lukas, I mean. Tomorrow.”

“No no, I got it.” He seemed lost in thought. “I think that’ll be good. For both of you. He hates being alone, you know. He won’t say anything, but I know the thought of losing you scares him.”

Emil made a sound of acknowledgement. He supposed that was one thing they still had in common. “I’m not making any promises besides that. I’m going to see him and I’m going to talk to him; beyond there I can’t say what’ll happen.”

Matthias switched the TV off. “Yeah, I know.” Reaching an arm up, he pulled the throw blanket over the two of them. “Thanks, Emi. You know that means a lot to all of us.”

“Yeah, sure,” he scoffed, though he couldn’t help but let his eyes flutter shut and a smile grace his face.

“Night, kiddo.”

“Mmn.”

He awoke to Matthias’ phone’s alarm, left on the table to wake him at an appropriate time. A small breakfast lay for him next to it, along with a note that read, " _Good luck, Icey-boy! You can do it! I’m always in your corner!! ♡_ "

Emil kept the note tucked securely in his pocket as he set off to talk to Lukas for the first time since--no, to talk to his brother for the first time ever.

**Author's Note:**

> A Leetle Beetle kept me company while I wrote this.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this small oneshot! It was a lot of new territory in terms of topics and characters, but my sister and I speculated on Iceland's relationship with the other Nordics while in Reykjavik and I wanted to expand on it.
> 
> See you next time :)


End file.
